As idle as a painted ship upon a painted ocean.

It seems that we've struck something of a dry patch. Day after day we've struck no breath nor motion. We sit as idle as a painted ship upon a painted ocean. There's water, water everywhere... and it seems that all the boards on the deck did shrink. Water, Water everywhere but I can't find a drop to drink.

And it pisses me off. Rastus is off his dial because he started chewing on some of the magic brown sand that makes the water go brown and yummy in The Precious. He keeps on sniggering to himself about revenge and saying "watch out, charlies in the trees" and crazy stuff like that. He's also led a raid on the Gerbil cage in the captains cabin and freed his kinsmen. So now he has a Gerbil posse.

So here I sit on the parched deck, chewing brown sand as the boat sits dead still and idle in the mirrorlike calm of the sea. The sun beats down relentlessly. I close my eyes...

Conning wakes up... extracts himself from the helmet.... and looks about. Blood and feathers lay scattered and stuck to the deck. My eyes open, I hear a hiss as the moisture in them evaporates in a puff of steam. I smile at him, my parched and dry lips crack dribbling blood.

He looks at the feathers. Notices the discarded duck head laying on the deck... (I don't like anything I'm eating to look at me unless I know her name and shes bought me dinner). I reach over and protectivly draw the shiny metal precious closer to me. My fingers hiss as they touch the hot metal. They stick for a moment. Smells funny. Like burnt chicken.

Thats funny... he looks mad... his eyes go all wide and he points at the dead duck and waves his arms about. I don't know why he's so mad... I left him a drumstick (I'm a breast man) We laugh at him, the Precious an I...then he pulls the horny helmet out of the deck and swings it at my head.

The deck tilts sideways and I feel like I'm watching it in the 3rd person...remotley... and a feel it burning on the side of my face when it slams against the deck as a well of hot darkness envelops me. As vision fades I see The Precious kicked across the deck. If I could move I'd kill him for touching it. Just before everything fades to black I see Rastus and his small gerbil Army charging at the evil viking lunatic...

Killed by a village idiot with a horny helmet. Oh, the shame of it.

A voice in the darkness.

Whispers a name that's familiar in my mind.

Falconburger.

F... a duck.

Well... how lucky am I. I crept upstairs onto the deck of this wayward vessel and found that Conning the lunatic was laying on deck unconscious. Well... kinda laying. He must have landed from an angle cos his horny helmets horns are stuck in the deck and he's kinda hanging from his helmet like some weird modern art. So at least i can sneak about without a worry. Apparently the helmet isn't enough to protect one from landing on ones head. He must just wear it for decoration. Freak.

On the upside I found the largest duck in the world sitting on the prow of the ship. I reckon its wingspan was about as wide as...as....as... a wide thing!. Like a cow. Big it was... white too. Biggest duck I've ever seen. Majestic. Awesome example of nature.

So I brained it with The Precious and took it back below decks to share with Rastus.

As I dragged the twitching meal back to the deck hatch I noticed that the sails were suddenly loosing their shape. I hope the wind picks up soon of we'll never get anywhere.

I wonder where they keep the water on this boat... I need some for the precious...can't get it from the sea cosit tastes funny.


Water, water everywhere nor any drop to drink.

Sigh. Yummy duck though.

Launched

Well... it seems that we are at sea. Apparently Rastus does NOT like the rocking motion as he has thrown up through is pipe three times. Like a whale spouting water it rockets up and coats the ceiling of the wardrobe in which we hide in a disturbing multicoloured mess. And then it slowly drips back down.

The boat started to rock while that helmeted moron was trying to get it free when there was this thunderous explosion somwhere. it was so loud that it made my very bones tremble. Then we were thrown about like ragdolls. I hit my funnybone. It wasn't funny. Someone is going to suffer for that.

Just before we launched the boat (literally by the feel of it) I thought I saw someone else creep past the cabin door. I couldn't see more than a shadow as they passed but they made an odd sound... like when you blow over the mouth of a bottle.
A hollow sound. I must have imagined it.


I'm not actually sure if , after all the flying about in noisy upside down-ness, the helmet headed Conning made it back on board or not. So its entirly possible that we're adrift at sea. Unless that was a person I saw... the hollow noise person. Maybe I'm going a little crazy. And I'm getting hungry... even the slow but steady drip drip drip of Gerbil vomit raining from the ceiling cannot quell the hunger. I'd bite the bum out of low flying duck right now.

I might have to venture up stairs and steal some food.