As idle as a painted ship upon a painted ocean.

It seems that we've struck something of a dry patch. Day after day we've struck no breath nor motion. We sit as idle as a painted ship upon a painted ocean. There's water, water everywhere... and it seems that all the boards on the deck did shrink. Water, Water everywhere but I can't find a drop to drink.

And it pisses me off. Rastus is off his dial because he started chewing on some of the magic brown sand that makes the water go brown and yummy in The Precious. He keeps on sniggering to himself about revenge and saying "watch out, charlies in the trees" and crazy stuff like that. He's also led a raid on the Gerbil cage in the captains cabin and freed his kinsmen. So now he has a Gerbil posse.

So here I sit on the parched deck, chewing brown sand as the boat sits dead still and idle in the mirrorlike calm of the sea. The sun beats down relentlessly. I close my eyes...

Conning wakes up... extracts himself from the helmet.... and looks about. Blood and feathers lay scattered and stuck to the deck. My eyes open, I hear a hiss as the moisture in them evaporates in a puff of steam. I smile at him, my parched and dry lips crack dribbling blood.

He looks at the feathers. Notices the discarded duck head laying on the deck... (I don't like anything I'm eating to look at me unless I know her name and shes bought me dinner). I reach over and protectivly draw the shiny metal precious closer to me. My fingers hiss as they touch the hot metal. They stick for a moment. Smells funny. Like burnt chicken.

Thats funny... he looks mad... his eyes go all wide and he points at the dead duck and waves his arms about. I don't know why he's so mad... I left him a drumstick (I'm a breast man) We laugh at him, the Precious an I...then he pulls the horny helmet out of the deck and swings it at my head.

The deck tilts sideways and I feel like I'm watching it in the 3rd person...remotley... and a feel it burning on the side of my face when it slams against the deck as a well of hot darkness envelops me. As vision fades I see The Precious kicked across the deck. If I could move I'd kill him for touching it. Just before everything fades to black I see Rastus and his small gerbil Army charging at the evil viking lunatic...

Killed by a village idiot with a horny helmet. Oh, the shame of it.

A voice in the darkness.

Whispers a name that's familiar in my mind.

Falconburger.