Pah!... *cough*.... clunk... tinkle...
Voices in the darkness... they sound like they are far away.
"Der he eez!, unter dat vubble der"
"Ah huh huh, c'mon man, lets dig him out"
"I sink he cast a magic shpell wit Apes book, ant judging by dat grin on hits face... even vith all day dirt in his teef ve should leaf dat book in his hant"
"I hear ya brother, help me lift this rock"
"Woof woof snarflyglaubsnoofsnoof"
"Butman stop with das humping! bad puppy!"
"Mein Got, he blew up half of das cave, he is lucky it didn't all cave in!"
"Ok... now were out where is the man mountain?... has he run runaway."
"I do now know but der has been a scuffle here look... footprints, hoof prints..."
"Ahuh huh, and look... something else... some sorta clawed prints"
"Arg... will you two farkwits stop with you're dicking around and get me patched up... C'mon ! I'm half dead here...*cough*... where the fark is our medic?... where is Abe?"
"Ape ist gone mein Cola, he died heroically savink you, and das new guy ist in a state from das magic. Jeem bo is missing and ve are all alone in das forest at night"
"Ah huh huh, don't worry baby, we'll look after you"
"Fark me. I'm doomed."
"Wuf wuf".
"Vell ve have a choice... der is a creek heading dat vay or the trail leading that vay, deeper into das forest. Ve know the stream heads tovards das loot filled ruins dat we seek but in das forest ve may find help for our fallen Cola, i sink ve might find an Inn or at least a cottage I hope"
"Ah huh huh.. or we could follow this other set of mangled footprints that might lead us to Jeem Bo..."
"Wuf"
"If I could move I'd kill myself an save myself the trouble. God i feel like my entire body is sunburned to the core... and how am I gonna get these stain out of this leather goddamit"
"Hey look.. I found das robe wot Jeembo wears over here in das bushes... ver could he be?... and look.. der is fur stuck to it... is it moose fur or something else?"
"Hey hey Batman, you hound dog... where did you find that gerbil?...ah huh huh..."
*****************************
Path deeper into the forest, looking for help for Cola ?... or follow the stream and see where it leads... or follow the footprints in the other direction looking for Jeem Bo?
Stream
Path
Footprints
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Atomic Wedgie
Meanwhile - back in the cave...
The critters crawled and wriggled across the ceiling towards us like giant questing translucent fingers full of malice and teeth. We scrambled back towards the cavern entrance... Aaahnult throwing the slimy half dead Cola over his beefy shoulders while Batman barked at the oncoming wormfest bravely... well... slowly backing towards the entrance with his chest puffed out and some extra drool spraying about as he barked for good measure.
The crawly menace that has swallowed Abe was now at the back of the pack of monsters no doubt savoring it's dinner who had now stopped struggling and was looking at us through its slimy hide from the inside as he rapidly started to dissolve. I'm not sure if Abe was already gone from pain or lack of oxygen but he still managed to fix us with a look of contempt... well... at least before his eyes dissolved. I kinda wish he'd stop glowing like that!
As if we didn't have enough problems in the cave with the crawly critters trying to eat us..... suddenly a terrible howl echoed into the cave from OUTSIDE... like a thousand people had suddenly been given atomic wedgie of epic and unwelcomely invasive proportions.
So here we are in full retreat, with wounded and one lost soul... back peddling into some other sort of trouble! What the hell is going on outside with Jeem Bo!
I reached down and picked up Abe's book of magic... as my fingertips brushed it's weathered leather binding, black spidery arcs of energy reached out to me. Oooh... warm and fuzzy. I'm lost in the moment...
When I come back out of it...that warm and fuzzy moment... there's a crawler's oozy toothy maw of nastiness bearing down on me as the others back out the cave door...
I open the book to a random page - or did i?.... the book's open and the words are reading themselves into my head...
*Atomic : no idea what that word means... that Mr Glock fruitloop back at my castle used to use it when he was talking about beer steins, knickers and apples. I got the feeling it meant big. Damn foreigners.
*************************************************
NOTE to the vast readership of ...well...3ish people... feel free to leave comments/suggestions/abuse/threats at any time - not just when there's a vote! You can influence the story that way.... as you've seen all it takes is a stray comment change an angry moose into a Gay moose that then becomes the Gaymoose of Watamakan : Nemisis of Jeem Bo ;-)
The critters crawled and wriggled across the ceiling towards us like giant questing translucent fingers full of malice and teeth. We scrambled back towards the cavern entrance... Aaahnult throwing the slimy half dead Cola over his beefy shoulders while Batman barked at the oncoming wormfest bravely... well... slowly backing towards the entrance with his chest puffed out and some extra drool spraying about as he barked for good measure.
The crawly menace that has swallowed Abe was now at the back of the pack of monsters no doubt savoring it's dinner who had now stopped struggling and was looking at us through its slimy hide from the inside as he rapidly started to dissolve. I'm not sure if Abe was already gone from pain or lack of oxygen but he still managed to fix us with a look of contempt... well... at least before his eyes dissolved. I kinda wish he'd stop glowing like that!
As if we didn't have enough problems in the cave with the crawly critters trying to eat us..... suddenly a terrible howl echoed into the cave from OUTSIDE... like a thousand people had suddenly been given atomic wedgie of epic and unwelcomely invasive proportions.
So here we are in full retreat, with wounded and one lost soul... back peddling into some other sort of trouble! What the hell is going on outside with Jeem Bo!
I reached down and picked up Abe's book of magic... as my fingertips brushed it's weathered leather binding, black spidery arcs of energy reached out to me. Oooh... warm and fuzzy. I'm lost in the moment...
When I come back out of it...that warm and fuzzy moment... there's a crawler's oozy toothy maw of nastiness bearing down on me as the others back out the cave door...
I open the book to a random page - or did i?.... the book's open and the words are reading themselves into my head...
*Atomic : no idea what that word means... that Mr Glock fruitloop back at my castle used to use it when he was talking about beer steins, knickers and apples. I got the feeling it meant big. Damn foreigners.
*************************************************
NOTE to the vast readership of ...well...3ish people... feel free to leave comments/suggestions/abuse/threats at any time - not just when there's a vote! You can influence the story that way.... as you've seen all it takes is a stray comment change an angry moose into a Gay moose that then becomes the Gaymoose of Watamakan : Nemisis of Jeem Bo ;-)
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
The dark side of the Moose
Meanwhile outside the cave...
Jeem Bo watched the shadows and waited, in the light of the full moon he took a hit from the bottle of Slate and eyed the shadows of the forest warily.
"Dat Moose sound was da sound of da infamous Gaymoose of Watamakan, why oh why does it continues to stalk me afta all deese years, Mun?" He said to the darkness.
He watched the shadows.
They watched him back.
"And it wasn't even a gay Gaymoose till I implied it was a gay moose. I bought this on mahself. Mun"
The Shadows moved...
"So we meet again my old enemy" Said Jeem Bo taking another swig of Slate and blowing a smoke ring towards his behooved nemesis.
"Dats de only ring you'll be seein' tonight yer antlered freakjob!"
The Gaymoose of Watamakan stepped out of the shadows to reveal itself in all its horrible glory.
Jeem Bo watched the shadows and waited, in the light of the full moon he took a hit from the bottle of Slate and eyed the shadows of the forest warily.
"Dat Moose sound was da sound of da infamous Gaymoose of Watamakan, why oh why does it continues to stalk me afta all deese years, Mun?" He said to the darkness.
He watched the shadows.
They watched him back.
"And it wasn't even a gay Gaymoose till I implied it was a gay moose. I bought this on mahself. Mun"
The Shadows moved...
"So we meet again my old enemy" Said Jeem Bo taking another swig of Slate and blowing a smoke ring towards his behooved nemesis.
"Dats de only ring you'll be seein' tonight yer antlered freakjob!"
The Gaymoose of Watamakan stepped out of the shadows to reveal itself in all its horrible glory.
Game over man, GAME OVER!
Elfis slowly dragged the now unconscious Cola back out of the crawly things throat while Aaahnult and Batman wrestled and fought with the rest of the creature. Abe backed up against the wall desperately trying to cast another spell on the creature before it reached him.
As I got up from where I'd fallen over Batman I caught sight of a movement deeper in the cavern... The light emanating from Abe wasn't quite enough to reveal what it was though... something glinting...
Suddenly the crawly beast rolled over and shook both Aaahnult and Batman off just as Elfis dragged Cola free and tumbled to the ground amidst a rain of splinters and goo as the guitar shattered with a discordant and slightly soggy TWANG.
Risking messing up my immaculate haircut and dashing good looks I bravely managed to grab both Elfis and Cola and drag them back towards the cave entrance, slippery and goo covered as they were. Cola moaned in pain as she started to regain consciousness.
The crawly beast lunged at Abe and grabbed his feet, sweeping him off the ground and swinging him around the room. His book of magic and various other odds and ends out of his pockets sailing around the room...
As Abe got sucked screaming curses into the beasts maw I turned and fell over something on the floor...
The crawler leapt up and started crawling across the roof of the cavern and heading deeper inside... the light emanating from Abes struggling body lighting it up like a giant glow worm.
As the light began to flicker, like a faulty fluorescent- er... candle in a breeze we saw the whole back of the cavern start to wriggle... the crawler had a family!... they were everywhere!
Aaahnult picked up Batman and his Axe.
"Dey is comink out of das valls ! Game over man, game over!"
I spat the dust out and looked to see what had tripped me... at my feet was Abes book of magic...
"Ve can't vin against dem all!" cried Aaahnult
"Ahh huh huh" Said Elfis
"Ve must retreat!"
The glow worm's family approached us full of menace, slime and one glowing , weakly struggling and slowly dissolving Abe.
The book of magic called to me... it sparkled... it looked precious...
****************************************
Will Falconburger steal the magic book and risk being turned into a frog?
(don't worry - I haven't forgotten about the Angry Moose votes...)
As I got up from where I'd fallen over Batman I caught sight of a movement deeper in the cavern... The light emanating from Abe wasn't quite enough to reveal what it was though... something glinting...
Suddenly the crawly beast rolled over and shook both Aaahnult and Batman off just as Elfis dragged Cola free and tumbled to the ground amidst a rain of splinters and goo as the guitar shattered with a discordant and slightly soggy TWANG.
Risking messing up my immaculate haircut and dashing good looks I bravely managed to grab both Elfis and Cola and drag them back towards the cave entrance, slippery and goo covered as they were. Cola moaned in pain as she started to regain consciousness.
The crawly beast lunged at Abe and grabbed his feet, sweeping him off the ground and swinging him around the room. His book of magic and various other odds and ends out of his pockets sailing around the room...
As Abe got sucked screaming curses into the beasts maw I turned and fell over something on the floor...
The crawler leapt up and started crawling across the roof of the cavern and heading deeper inside... the light emanating from Abes struggling body lighting it up like a giant glow worm.
As the light began to flicker, like a faulty fluorescent- er... candle in a breeze we saw the whole back of the cavern start to wriggle... the crawler had a family!... they were everywhere!
Aaahnult picked up Batman and his Axe.
"Dey is comink out of das valls ! Game over man, game over!"
I spat the dust out and looked to see what had tripped me... at my feet was Abes book of magic...
"Ve can't vin against dem all!" cried Aaahnult
"Ahh huh huh" Said Elfis
"Ve must retreat!"
The glow worm's family approached us full of menace, slime and one glowing , weakly struggling and slowly dissolving Abe.
The book of magic called to me... it sparkled... it looked precious...
****************************************
Will Falconburger steal the magic book and risk being turned into a frog?
(don't worry - I haven't forgotten about the Angry Moose votes...)
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