A bear in there...

12 Hours* of hardcore forced march later in sweltering heat through thick undergrowth and slashing thorn bushs :

"Vell vot now mein veely velly brave comrades?" Said Mad Cow
"Mun, ah aint goin in no cave. Ah swear - der's a bear in der!" Said Jeem Bo
"And just how do you figure Mr Bo" I asked the dreadlocked smokestack.
"Ahh just know. Aah can smell bear miles away. Had bad experiences wid bears, Dey are bastards. Mun"
"Well if there is a bear in there, it hasn't been in or out for a while - the entrance is pretty blocked with bush's and nice prickly bushes. I think its a bunny you can smell, not a bear." Said Cola
"Veely! Bunnies!, i'm so excited!" Said cowhead.
"Mmmm bunnies.... stew." Mumbled Cola
"I'm surpised he can smell anything after billowing smoke all day like a bad tempered volcano" Said Abe the Bookworm
"Aah is not bad tempered mun, ahh is coool mun. Relaxed. Chillin'. But I aint goin in no cave"
"Vel it is getting dark, Ze moon is being full tonight and ve could shelter in das cave if der is only bunnies!"
"Blue moon... you saw me standing a-"

Cola threw a silencing look at jumpsuit idiot.

"So... is there a bear in there?... or just bunnies?.. or should we just continue deeper into the forest?" I asked...

************VOTING TIME ************
Enter the cave?...y/n
If yes - who will check for bears?



* 12 hours : 2 hours walking, several hours panting, sleeping, bitching, moaning and combing hair.

If you go down to the woods today...

"Well Mun, aah say we give de Forest Road a crack mun, I 'eard on ze grapevine dat der might even be forest nymphs der. Mun" Said Jeem Bo's voice from somewhere in the middle of a new smog cloud that had formed around his head.

"Veely!?, I is soo excited!, Ve get to find das beast from bourbon maybe! unt perhaps ein nymphs as vell! I heard dat Nymphs vill clean your leiderhousen for only a penny!" exclaimed Aaahnult jumping around with excitement.

"Thats Sprites you giant furry buffoon. Some sprites sneak into you house at night and clean things up ... allegedly. I think you have to do them favours though too, you know... give up your first born, sell tupperware or your soul etc. As a side note, they cook up quite nicely with some sate sauce. Makes a nice kebab." Said Cola

"Nymphs on the other hand might try to at least get you out of that leiderhousen... but there won't be anything clean going on... and they can be quite dangerous too" Said Abe, the uppity bookworm wizard.

"They're the devil in disguise. A huh huh" said the gem spangled idiot.

"Grouff snort drool"

"Ok then people, bovines, canines, jumpsuited retards etc... I guess it's onward into the forest. I kinda do hope we find sprites... I'm feeling a little peckish. Or a bunny. mmm Bunnies" Said Cola, shouldering her pack and heading towards the dark and creepy forest.

Eventually I looked up and realised that while i'd been checking my hair I'd been left behind... so I scurried off after them. I wonder what tupperware is. Sounds a little ominous.

A fork in the road

Ok, so we've left the confines of the grassy pub and hit the road. We have to travel some distance yet to a ruin that is half buried in the ground. Cola was pretty vague about the details - telling me that I will be of great use looking for pressure switches and triggers. Not sure what she meant exactly...

Anyhow... to the conversation :

"Vell ve now huv ein choice don't ve" Said Aaahnult

"A-huh huh" Said the pointy eared twat.

"A choice?" I asked as I looked up from a piece of mirror that had somehow made it into my pocket.

"Vell, der is apparently ein monster loose about das forest!, za Beast of Bourbon! unt ve can get to the ruins though das forest ya?, i vould veely love ein new loincloth made from das Beast from Burbon ya!"

"While there are also the moors, and another fell beast - the dread Becclehoff to avoid in that direction and I for one don't want to catch what ever the hell these two freaks did that makes them do all that slow motion crap." said Cola

"Whilst both of those rumours do sound forboding did you hear about young Billy being taken by that stinking thing in the darkness down by the old coast path?" said Abe trying to look all self important and clever.

"Snuffle woof slobber grrrrowflt" said Batman, licking his wotsits.

"Soo Mun, der would seem (hiccup) to be a choice to be made mah bruvvas : de Moors mun, The Forest or the Coastal Path. Mun. And we avta shoose wun on deez paths to get der. mun. " Said Jeembo, rolling up a joint big enough to club seals to death with.

**************** AND NOW FOR THE TEST ***************

This is where things get interactive. Leave a comment, vote for a path and decide where the party heads. It will be interesting to see if there is more than 2 votes! ;-). Not sure if this will work or not... Moors, Forest or Coast Road.

The B Team

Finally.... the last member of the troupe has arrived. A bookish looking fellow, all spectacles and clumsyness. His name is Abe and he claims to be a wizard. Some people will use any excuse to wear a dress...oh..er... a Robe... he calls it.

So here we have it :

Abe : Poncy dress wearin wizard.
Cola : The rogue (she doesn't like the word thief, also the brains of the op)
Aaahnult : The warrior (the opposite of the brains of the op)
Elfis : A bard, a singer and historian. A twat.
Jeembo : A priest apparently... though he seems to worship a bottle. After seeing his plight - to be risking life and limb with these lunatics i don't much blame him.
Batman : A drooling leg humping dog with a face like a kicked in trashcan.
And me... the mighty and devilishly goodlooking Lord F.C. Falconbruger with so many talents that they couldn't possibly be listed here.

If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire...a team of professionals... but if they are busy then maybe you can hire us instead.

Idle Gossip

Another day has passed… this tavern seems to be the meeting place for a few other bands of adventurers. There are always the story tellers… tales of gold and glory… and that idiot elfis crapping on about his blue shoes every hour or so.

Here are some random snippits from random drunkards :

“Oooh arrr…. Be careful out on moors… don’t go out thaaar at night…”

“Ahh don’t know what it was… all I know is there was this eerie ‘ollow sound… like wind blowin across a bottle… and a gawd awful smell, like a big old privy bucket...then me mate billy was gone… taken in the darkness by some eeevil stinkin' thing…down by the old coast road”

"Oooh Arr... speakin of mad hatters, did yer see the ridiculous hat Zeike had on last week when 'e staggered in 'ere. 'e looks a right twat... it looks like a grass hut.

"Av yer seen thut wee lass Nicosugarsmack about?.. ahh do mis her drunken table dancin'..arr....she's a mad lass thut wun!"

“A swear.. this crazy fool came walkin up outta the ocean wearin some stupid kinda bucket on his head with pokey horns and stuff… almost looked as mad as Aaaahnult… even had a leather gimp suit on like woshername the angry girl that hangs out with that bunch. ‘E was skinny as ‘ell too.. like ‘ed been starved for weeks. ‘e looked like an angry whippet shrink wrapped in licorice.”

"Slate!, let us pray! oh mighty slate"

“Beware the beast on the moors…beware the dreaded Becclehoff… tis a fell creature of the night…”

"Woot woot!"

"Veely?, der is ein new monster loose? das beast of burbon? wot!

"Ohh Arr... young Robynn's right, it does look good in leather"

“Get yer fuggin dog orf me leg or I’ll turn im into sausages”

"He aint nothin but a hound dog..."


Sigh. Commoners… this must be how they pass their days. Making up stories.