Catastrophe

What the F***!,

A short time ago I found myself waking up.. groggy. I felt like someone has put me into a sack of hammers and thrown me down a stairwell. I was sitting against a tree amidst the wreckage of some sort of vehicle with a throbbing lump on my head. There were pieces of fur everywhere... like some kind of animal has literally exploded and next to me was a large round hairy wooden ball thingy. Scrawled on a piece of the wreckage was the word 'Auntie Gruvarti'.

Laying around me I found my possessions... well I assume they are mine as there is nobody else about. The clothes I had on were decidedly grotty... covered in something yellowish and greasy... and there was bloody fur on everything. I found a pocket mirror that had somehow survived my crash landing here... there's some brill cream, a comb, another mirror, and an apple (slightly squashed).

Around me is an alien landscape, strange trees with huge hairy balls tower above me. Sometimes their hairy balls fall to the ground making a curious clonk noise... and then a few minutes later a smallish hairy man runs out and steals the hairy balls. I heard a rather unnerving howl off in the jungle a short while ago too... I hope whatever it is only eats hairy balls and hairyball stealing hairy men.

It's quite warm here. I can smell the sea I think. Looking away from the wreckage of the thing that lays shattered around me I can see a path of smashed trees leading off over a small hill and beyond that blue sky.

Looking in the mirror as I slick back my hair with the brill cream and comb I think to myself... damn but you're a devilishly handsome chap.

The diary is a strange device... I can write upon it's magical surface but I can't look at the previous entries... it seems to be magically locked and only it's owner can open it.

I assume I'm the owner.... but... I can't remember who I am!